I have an update and a thought for this post.
The update is that I have officially been listed at the top of the heart transplant list. Now, we just play the waiting game. They do an evaluation in a few days to determine if I need to stay in the hospital or if I am strong enough to go home with an IV. Either way, they'll continue looking and waiting for a donor, and some day, I'll have a new heart. In the meantime, I'll be praying for patience and strength to endure through this whole thing, and I know that God will surely bless me with me with the grace to do so.
Furthermore, I've gotten up and walked around a couple times today with the nurse. It felt so good to use my legs a bit after sitting in bed for the past couple days. My mother has also been narrowing down on a place for her to stay these next few months, and we are seeing God graciously provide in so many ways for her and for myself. The faculty at my old high school gave her a $250 gift card for Wal-Mart to pay for gas, food, and any other necessities, and families have offered their homes to her all over the place. I thank God for our faithful and humble brothers and sisters!
Now for my thought of the night, and this is solely for those who are or may call themselves Christians; however, do not be discouraged to read on if you are not.
Though I've been sort of excluded from society in a sense, I'm not completely oblivious to the things happening in the world and in our country. Lately, the social media scene has been full of statuses and updates regarding the whole debate over same-sex marriage. Some of it is like listening to a "fire-and-brimstone" evangelist, and some of it is more or less stale and indifferent.
I've often struggled with trying to have an opinion on some political issues, especially as a believer in Christ. On the one hand, I do not advocate for same-sex marriage because I hold to the truth (which has been revealed to me by the divine authority of God Himself via the Bible) that marriage is designed by God for the union of one man and one woman, and the Bible clearly teaches against homosexuality because it perverts the original design of the Creator. On another hand, it's hard for me to hold this knowledge over people who advocate for same-sex marriages and homosexual relationships, and I honestly don't think that politics is the best way for those of us who are believers to spread the word of truth to those who do not know. I believe that's what some call "'Merican" Christianity.
Again, I do not advocate for same-sex marriage, but if it happens, so what? Are we more concerned with the external features of homosexuality than the root of it? Are we not called to love and serve these people? To have the same mind as Christ (Philippians 2)? I would rather that people knew that Christ had died out of love for them, so that they would know that they won't perish in Him, than that they knew Christians have a furious vendetta against homosexuality. It is better for us to love those who are weak and poor in the faith than to possess a greater knowledge of the truth than they do (1 Corinthians 8).
By loving and serving them, we build them up instead of tearing them down. If anything needs to be torn down, it's the sin, not the man. We need the cross. They need the cross. Go forth in love, brothers. Pursue the opportunity to be a light in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation. Share Christ with all people with the hope that lives can be and will be radically changed by the power of God through Jesus Christ who died for the reconciliation of all things to the Almighty. Let's be just as inviting to homosexuals and same-sex marriage advocates as Christ was to tax collectors and prostitutes.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Hard
Well, I'm here. In ICU. With a needle in my neck and tube running through my artery to my heart. Swallowing hurts a little, and I'm tired. This is the beginning of waiting for a heart transplant.
Here's the plan as best as I can communicate it:
The goal right now is to get me to the tippy top of the list of transplant candidates as quickly as possible with the hope I can get a transplant as soon as possible. This is the reason that I'm in ICU. My doctor (who is pretty awesome, and I'm blessed to have him) explained that it's like saving up money in a bank to buy a new car, except instead of money we're saving up time in the ICU to provide leeway when it comes to getting a transplant, and it's almost like a national competition. Everyone wants the transplant, and we're all dying to get it first. Not sure if there's a pun there. Ultimately, they say that youth is on my side. The fact that I am one of the younger candidates gives me an advantage on how soon I get the transplant because it's supposedly easier to find a heart for me than for someone who is seventy and pushing through their last leg of life.
Another new fact I learned today is that when I've been here for a week, they will evaluate my status, and based on that evaluation, there is a chance they'll send me home with an IV heart pump. So, who knows how long I'll be here and how many times I'll go in and out of the hospital between now and the transplant.
ANOTHER new fact I learned today is that when they find a heart, I am immediately rushed to surgery and prepped for the arrival of the heart. There's no advanced notice or anything, so it will be impossible for me to tell anyone when it's going down before it happens. They said that one team goes to harvest the heart, and the other team preps me for the transplant, which translates in my mind like this: "We're going wake you up in the middle of the night, run you to the surgery room, put you into a deep sleep, and open up your chest cavity while we wait for the heart to arrive." All in all the procedure can take up to six hours. Now, we all know how transplants happen. Hooray!
Today, I couldn't stop saying to myself, "This is going to be hard." It is going to be hard, and I've known that throughout my entire experience with this whole thing. Having a weak heart just makes everything harder. I'm struggling to find the encouragement I need in the God who has strength beyond comparison, who possesses the power to raise Christ from the dead and has made that same power available to those who love Him, and who has blessed me with immeasurable mercy and grace to endure my suffering and my weaknesses. Sometimes, it's just hard.
Here's the plan as best as I can communicate it:
The goal right now is to get me to the tippy top of the list of transplant candidates as quickly as possible with the hope I can get a transplant as soon as possible. This is the reason that I'm in ICU. My doctor (who is pretty awesome, and I'm blessed to have him) explained that it's like saving up money in a bank to buy a new car, except instead of money we're saving up time in the ICU to provide leeway when it comes to getting a transplant, and it's almost like a national competition. Everyone wants the transplant, and we're all dying to get it first. Not sure if there's a pun there. Ultimately, they say that youth is on my side. The fact that I am one of the younger candidates gives me an advantage on how soon I get the transplant because it's supposedly easier to find a heart for me than for someone who is seventy and pushing through their last leg of life.
Another new fact I learned today is that when I've been here for a week, they will evaluate my status, and based on that evaluation, there is a chance they'll send me home with an IV heart pump. So, who knows how long I'll be here and how many times I'll go in and out of the hospital between now and the transplant.
ANOTHER new fact I learned today is that when they find a heart, I am immediately rushed to surgery and prepped for the arrival of the heart. There's no advanced notice or anything, so it will be impossible for me to tell anyone when it's going down before it happens. They said that one team goes to harvest the heart, and the other team preps me for the transplant, which translates in my mind like this: "We're going wake you up in the middle of the night, run you to the surgery room, put you into a deep sleep, and open up your chest cavity while we wait for the heart to arrive." All in all the procedure can take up to six hours. Now, we all know how transplants happen. Hooray!
Today, I couldn't stop saying to myself, "This is going to be hard." It is going to be hard, and I've known that throughout my entire experience with this whole thing. Having a weak heart just makes everything harder. I'm struggling to find the encouragement I need in the God who has strength beyond comparison, who possesses the power to raise Christ from the dead and has made that same power available to those who love Him, and who has blessed me with immeasurable mercy and grace to endure my suffering and my weaknesses. Sometimes, it's just hard.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Heart Shock
Six years ago, I never thought I'd be where I am now, waiting for a heart transplant. I can't say it was entirely unexpected. Maybe the timing seemed to be cut short a few months, but I have no control over that, and that's probably best because if I did there would probably be a much worse situation on my hands. Thank God that He works all things according to the purpose of His own will for the good of those who love Him.
I can't describe the gravity of hearing someone telling me that I need a heart transplant, and I think that is only because it isn't actually happening yet, and I'm still working through a state of shock. Try wrapping your mind around the fact that the heart you currently have must be taken out of your chest, and a new one must be put in its place. This isn't a kidney. It's the heart. The sole unit of life for our physical bodies. It's like the engine of a car. A car just can't run without an engine, or else you've got a very dangerous soapbox car made of metal that none of the neighborhood kids want to race against. This isn't to say there isn't any emotional stress. My emotions are on the biggest roller coaster you've ever seen. One moment I'll be driving my car listening to upbeat folk music then suddenly tears start squeezing through my eyes, and I'm asking God what I'm supposed to be doing right now. The past few days have been full of confusion, sadness, joy, apathy, frustration, happiness, and depression. I can't stop it.
In Exodus 3, God speaks to Moses through a burning bush, and the LORD says, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites" (Ex. 3:7-8). The faithfulness of God is so great in our moments of affliction. Not only does He have an unwavering awareness of where we are and what our circumstances are, but He is continuously involved in those moments, working out everything through Christ to redeem us, to humble us, to save us, to love us, and to strengthen us for the praise of His glory alone. He KNOWS our sufferings! In 1 Peter 3:18, it says that Christ also suffered for our sins. He carried the same burdens that we carry today, and He understands the pain and the struggle we face throughout our entire lives. One of my favorite hymns is "Jesus, Savior Pilot Me." In the song there is a line that says, "Fear not, I will pilot thee." Though we may face the hazardous shores of life that threaten to weaken us and place us in the path of death, Jesus Christ is our rescue and our comfort. There is, in fact, no other choice for me than to trust in Him.
I don't know how these next few months are going to play out. Right now, all I know is that I get to sit in ICU with a right heart catheter 24/7 until they find that suitable heart for me, and before that happens there's a lot I have to work out as far as school, work, finances, and everything else that my life currently entails. This is a new season of life for me.
P.S. I'll be keeping people updated about this experience as much as possible, so bookmark this site and share it with others.
I can't describe the gravity of hearing someone telling me that I need a heart transplant, and I think that is only because it isn't actually happening yet, and I'm still working through a state of shock. Try wrapping your mind around the fact that the heart you currently have must be taken out of your chest, and a new one must be put in its place. This isn't a kidney. It's the heart. The sole unit of life for our physical bodies. It's like the engine of a car. A car just can't run without an engine, or else you've got a very dangerous soapbox car made of metal that none of the neighborhood kids want to race against. This isn't to say there isn't any emotional stress. My emotions are on the biggest roller coaster you've ever seen. One moment I'll be driving my car listening to upbeat folk music then suddenly tears start squeezing through my eyes, and I'm asking God what I'm supposed to be doing right now. The past few days have been full of confusion, sadness, joy, apathy, frustration, happiness, and depression. I can't stop it.
In Exodus 3, God speaks to Moses through a burning bush, and the LORD says, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites" (Ex. 3:7-8). The faithfulness of God is so great in our moments of affliction. Not only does He have an unwavering awareness of where we are and what our circumstances are, but He is continuously involved in those moments, working out everything through Christ to redeem us, to humble us, to save us, to love us, and to strengthen us for the praise of His glory alone. He KNOWS our sufferings! In 1 Peter 3:18, it says that Christ also suffered for our sins. He carried the same burdens that we carry today, and He understands the pain and the struggle we face throughout our entire lives. One of my favorite hymns is "Jesus, Savior Pilot Me." In the song there is a line that says, "Fear not, I will pilot thee." Though we may face the hazardous shores of life that threaten to weaken us and place us in the path of death, Jesus Christ is our rescue and our comfort. There is, in fact, no other choice for me than to trust in Him.
I don't know how these next few months are going to play out. Right now, all I know is that I get to sit in ICU with a right heart catheter 24/7 until they find that suitable heart for me, and before that happens there's a lot I have to work out as far as school, work, finances, and everything else that my life currently entails. This is a new season of life for me.
P.S. I'll be keeping people updated about this experience as much as possible, so bookmark this site and share it with others.
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