Heart Shock

Six years ago, I never thought I'd be where I am now, waiting for a heart transplant.  I can't say it was entirely unexpected.  Maybe the timing seemed to be cut short a few months, but I have no control over that, and that's probably best because if I did there would probably be a much worse situation on my hands.  Thank God that He works all things according to the purpose of His own will for the good of those who love Him.

I can't describe the gravity of hearing someone telling me that I need a heart transplant, and I think that is only because it isn't actually happening yet, and I'm still working through a state of shock.  Try wrapping your mind around the fact that the heart you currently have must be taken out of your chest, and a new one must be put in its place.  This isn't a kidney.  It's the heart.  The sole unit of life for our physical bodies.  It's like the engine of a car.  A car just can't run without an engine, or else you've got a very dangerous soapbox car made of metal that none of the neighborhood kids want to race against.  This isn't to say there isn't any emotional stress.  My emotions are on the biggest roller coaster you've ever seen.  One moment I'll be driving my car listening to upbeat folk music then suddenly tears start squeezing through my eyes, and I'm asking God what I'm supposed to be doing right now.  The past few days have been full of confusion, sadness, joy, apathy, frustration, happiness, and depression.  I can't stop it.

In Exodus 3, God speaks to Moses through a burning bush, and the LORD says, "I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their  taskmasters. I know their sufferings,  and  I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and  to bring them up out of that land to a  good and broad land, a land  flowing with milk and honey, to the place of  the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites" (Ex. 3:7-8).  The faithfulness of God is so great in our moments of affliction.  Not only does He have an unwavering awareness of where we are and what our circumstances are, but He is continuously involved in those moments, working out everything through Christ to redeem us, to humble us, to save us, to love us, and to strengthen us for the praise of His glory alone.  He KNOWS our sufferings!  In 1 Peter 3:18, it says that Christ also suffered for our sins.  He carried the same burdens that we carry today, and He understands the pain and the struggle we face throughout our entire lives.  One of my favorite hymns is "Jesus, Savior Pilot Me."  In the song there is a line that says, "Fear not, I will pilot thee."  Though we may face the hazardous shores of life that threaten to weaken us and place us in the path of death, Jesus Christ is our rescue and our comfort.  There is, in fact, no other choice for me than to trust in Him.

I don't know how these next few months are going to play out.  Right now, all I know is that I get to sit in ICU with a right heart catheter 24/7 until they find that suitable heart for me, and before that happens there's a lot I have to work out as far as school, work, finances, and everything else that my life currently entails.  This is a new season of life for me.

P.S.  I'll be keeping people updated about this experience as much as possible, so bookmark this site and share it with others.