Anyways, I wanted to share something that I learned during my time there. Before I even went to the hospital to await the transplant, I joked a lot with friends and family that I would be Iron Man after all was said and done. Obviously, I don't have the financial capabilities and technological know-how to possess such a thing, but you get the idea. I got a new heart that will make me stronger than I've ever been in the past six years. It was a great idea to think of myself becoming that way. My friend, Larry, even bought me an Iron Man mask!
For the first couple days after surgery, I felt like I was Iron Man. I was super enthusiastic and ready to start running (maybe even fly); however, after the weekend, things went a completely different direction emotionally and spiritually. I started to become very bitter, angry, irritated, frustrated, depressed, and impatient. A few of the nurses even ended up on the receiving end of all my rage. I didn't understand it.
My walk with God was even taking a turn for the worse during these few days of bitterness. I wasn't reading my Bible, wasn't praying, wasn't glorifying Him in any way that produced fruit. I am an introvert. That means I enjoy being able to get myself alone in a room to gather up energy and wisdom away from the noise of the busy world we all live in. Being in a hospital diminished that opportunity a lot. Nurses and doctors came in and out just about every hour, and I hated it. It was hard. I found myself asking God what was going on because I could not find any way out of the rut on my own.
I texted my friend and mentor, Doug, to tell him what was going on. His response was, "Thanks for letting me see that softer, prickly side of your temperament! Makes me think you really are human, even if you are...Iron Man." That message stuck with me for the rest of my time in the hospital. God was really beginning to break me down, to break me out of my "Iron Man" mentality. I'm still human. I'm still a sinner who has a need for grace and mercy just as much as anyone else does. That truth hurt a lot, but it was so good to see myself be made low in that moment, to see God's glory and not mine. I'm not quite Iron Man after all.
When they pulled out the last chest tube, I prayed to God to remind me of the real, physical pain that my Lord and Savior endured on the cross in order that I may receive one of the biggest blessings in my life. No greater pain has anyone endured than He who has carried the weight of the sin of the world on His own shoulders so that all the wrath of God may be poured onto Him. It is definitely something that should not and cannot ever be taken for granted. God is good, and to Him be all praise and glory and honor.
On another note, here's a picture of my old heart. It was six inches long, which is about 1.5 inches too long than my heart should be.
No comments:
Post a Comment